Good article on the nature of grief when things do not always end so well. In these cases, there are a variety of ambiguous feelings as well potential guilt during the grieving process over the deceased.
Please also review our Bereavement Counseling Training and see if it meets your needs.
The article, An Addict Brother’s Death; a Sister’s Guilt-Ridden Grief, by
“The most dangerous delusion we carry around when it comes to death is the notion that we should never speak ill of the dead. We erase their defects and destructive conduct. We gussy up their legacy and imagine them ascending to heaven. In essence we, the living, deal with our guilt by conferring sainthood upon the dead.
The problem with this arrangement is that it’s dishonest. It keeps us from doing the most essential work of mourning — forgiving the dead who abandon us, and forgiving ourselves for remaining alive — by pretending there’s nothing to forgive. What I admire about your letter, Confusedly, is that you’re not falling into that trap. You’re seeing your brother for who he was: a person who surrendered the best parts of himself to addiction, who pushed away and hurt those closest to him.”
To read the entire article, please click here
Please also review our Bereavement Counseling Training